On Loneliness

I’m never lonely. I never feel alone. When I was a child I was taught about God and the attributes of God, those being: omniscience, omnipotence and omnipresence.

Omnipresence means God is everywhere and all at once; and wherever I may be physically, there too, is He; thus I am never really alone. It matters not whether it is true, because the seed – the idea –  that was planted so long ago in my childhood still remains. I question whether this idea is universal or, for that matter, any idea is universal, that is to say, whether or not everyone else feels, always, that they are being watched. Furthermore, I question the watcher’s intent. I cannot, with any certainty, state or much less depend upon the watcher’s intent.

But I have a second companion also. At the age of 19 I realized Death. My constant companion since then, Death made me a promise, and, by reputation, always, always, keeps his promise. Between God and Death, I find Death to be the more reliable companion of the two.

One might suppose that the two are in fact one. As the Bible says: “I am Alpha and Omega – The Beginning and The End.” But the Bible was written by the hand of man, and thus may not be the ultimate truth. Whatever the ultimate truth is – I Thank God for Death.

Like you and the rest of humanity, I did not enter into this world voluntarily. (So why do we treat each other so badly?) Like you and the rest of humanity, I have dependencies I would just rather not have. I really would rather be alone. In my youth I questioned whether I might die of loneliness, that is to say – for want of a woman. But that is a desire and not a need. I have no such need.

But God or the idea of God won’t leave me alone. At your hand I have suffered much and unnecessarily as well. You’ve made me feel unwanted and unwelcome. As for companionship, between you, God and Death – I prefer Death.

Death has many positive attributes that I will not list here. Death is release. Death is escape. Death is the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

I am never lonely because, as much as I would wish it, I am never truly alone.

What? Do you think I enjoyed being a surplus wage slave or a silly soldier fighting for a pig’s inheritance? Not so. I Thank God for Death, my dear friend and constant companion. At least HE keeps his promises.

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About The Twentieth Man

Age 67
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