Once upon a time (this is a true story) I came home on 30-Day Leave from the Army. I went to visit and catch up with my friends in the old neighborhood. When I first arrived, a storm of some kind was brewing amongst the younger set (kid-sisters and their friends). At first it sounded like they were planning an all-girl rumble (a gang fight). The girls it seems, were gathering together to plan a confrontation with a miscreant, faithless male. In all the babble and noise I asked one of the girls:
“What is going on?“
She explained excitedly that this guy (I didn’t know him, or, after this, would ever care to) had gotten four of the girls pregnant all at the same time.
I was aghast. Flummoxed, I demanded:
“How in hell did THAT happen?” She exploded:
“He – said – he – loved – me!” – and burst into tears.
I thought, “Shit!”
“Open Sesame – the magic words!“
I Love You – those Magic Words women and girls so long to hear.
I Love You – I knew even before this incident there was a special, dark magic in those “three little words”.
As the wedding ceremony per se is often valued above the marriage proper, this magical incantation: “I love you” is valued far above the surrendered virtue; a symbolic gesture and a very, very, bad trade.
Just say “I Love You” – and her thighs will open as if by magic:
“Iftah ya simsim”
“Open, O Simsim!”
And the treasure is mine.
I Love You – the words I personally choked on, struggled with and then withheld whenever I thought to say them.
I Love You – words it always feels so very awkward to utter.
I am not alone. Many men choke, croak, gasp, gag, or strangle on those three little words, feeling pressured or even compelled to utter them. A concession more than a confession.
I Love You – women complain bitterly (to Dear Abby):
“My husband hasn’t told me he loves me since we were married.”
I Love You – is not how I feel about you.
There is a simple explanation for this tug-o’-war, this struggle to ever so painfully extort or extract these magical words from men, however reassuring to women: it’s ungrammatical to say it aloud.
I Love You – does not sit well in the present tense. It is a protest against a tacit allegation of selfish indifference or neglect.
I’ve Loved You (but not always) – works in the past tense.
I’ll Always Love You (but not really, given the human ego) – works only as an unkept promise in the future tense.
The term “love” is bandied about blithely, euphemistically, carelessly, and erroneously. It is an on-going tragedy that so many people the world over equate love with sex and sex with love. I would estimate that 95% of the worlds’ population has no idea what love really is. If love is sex and sex is love, do you still love your grandma? And you say you also love pizza? Are you an animal lover? Do you love dogs? That choice of words could be linguistically misconstrued as icky – if not downright gross.
If ever I catch you loving your grandma or even a cheese & pepperoni pizza for that matter – I’ll have you arrested – as well you should be.
What is “Love”? An intangible, dynamic, action verb; it is a prioritization. Love is placing the welfare of another ahead of your own. It is internal and cognitive; it is a state of mind, and an act of the will. It can’t be proven just by saying it.
Love is non-verbal self-sacrifice. It is a clunky, ungrammatical protest to say “I sacrifice myself for you.” “I prioritize you.” “I care more about you than I do for myself.” “I love you.” “I do love you.” “I do love you, I really do.” – he protested.
Get a tattoo. Shout it from the rooftops. Carve it in a tree. Hire an airplane to write it across the sky. It’s still ungrammatical and unwieldy to utter in the present tense.
I Love You – is not “just an expression” – Love has far more depth than that. If a woman finds it difficult to get her man to say it (like pulling teeth), if he’s hesitant at all, it might just be because he is aware of the more subtle meaning and not be a total cad.
BF-PG (an acronym for Bare-Foot & Pregnant):
“I love you so much I wouldn’t dream of getting you pregnant out of wedlock.”
Lying, cheating, seduction, abandonment – is not love.
“Making Love” is a common euphemism for sexual intercourse.
“Being in Love” is a nebulous expression meaning to be attracted to or enthralled by someone; a vulnerable state of mind.
I never found out what actually happened to Jodie the Dog (or whatever his name was) nor his four pregnant girlfriends for that matter. I was too busy fighting a war. But as remote as it seems, it still falls within the realm of possibility that they all eventually found true love.
Love is suffering – charity even when you’re not feeling charitable.
(see: 1 Corinthians 13)
John 15:13 (KJV)
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” – Jesus of Nazareth
John 13:34 (KJV)
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” – Jesus of Nazareth