Spider-Man II

So there I was poking about the aisles at the local Walgreens. I rarely if ever buy anything there – I just drive my older brother.

When you go to Walgreens you can generally tell what the up-coming holiday is going to be just by the general merchandise junk that they sell.

As we pulled into the Walgreens parking lot I asked my brother what the next holiday was going to be. He replied: “Pessimist’s Day”. I said:

“Aw, I ain’t looking forward to that.”

Casually examining this and that in their seasonal/holiday kitsch aisle I spotted the now famous Spider-Man soap bubble dispenser. I picked it up and let out a laugh so loud I embarrassed myself. I looked around to see if anyone had heard me. I was alone in the aisle. I examined it closer and started laughing all over again. I tried to stifle the laugh but the more I tried to stifle it the worse it got – to the point where I felt I needed to leave the store just to regain my composure.

Spiderman Blows a Fart (Fart 1)


By the time I hit the door I had both hands covering my face with tears streaming down and my nose running. I was gagging and fake-coughing like I was sick. I got to the parking lot and just let it all out – I leaned on the car and stood there laughing uncontrollably for a full five minutes. I hadn’t laughed that hard or that hysterically in forty years.

After a bit of deep-breathing and wiping my nose I thought to myself: “OK. I got this.” And lost it again. Finally I felt I’d regained my sanity enough and thought: “I gotta get one of those.” I reentered the drugstore and made my purchase.

When I got it home I took a few pictures and set up a draft of a blog entry. I debated whether it was appropriate to post. It just sat there for a couple of weeks. When I realized I hadn’t posted anything for a while I felt I was disappointing my few followers so I thought: what the hell, I’ll publish it anyway, even though It’s out of sync with the general tone of my blog posts.

Oddly, strangely, and very disappointingly, Spider-Man’s Fart got more hits than anything else I’ve written. I’m an old man and I should know better. I’m sore disappointed in the United States of America, politics, democracy and humanity in general. We humans hate reality. We hate the truth. People would rather be entertained than informed.

I personally despise the entertainment industry. While it may serve the individual as denial – a temporary respite or mental vacation from reality; it also serves as a distraction, a red herring if you will, to those who do not have your best interests at heart. On one hand I’m drowning in this cacophony of silly and stupid entertainments; but on the other, I’m forced by circumstance to live out my life out here on Reality Street.

America, you need to grow up.

As for the political propagandists and Madison Avenue, and the entire entertainment industry – they can shove the whole of Hollywood up their asses. I’m sick of it.

About The Twentieth Man

Age 69
This entry was posted in Dirty Words, Going Bananas, Humor, Mass Media, Observations, Personal History, Short Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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