So there I was standing on line at the supermarket check-out. There were three people ahead of me when I first queued up. and the first customer was having an issue with coupons or something so there was a bit of a wait.
The woman just ahead of me, 50ish, short-haired, bluejeaned and a bit scrawny for my taste, was ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! She noted the backup and pulled down a copy of People (you’re never going to meet) Magazine from the rack. She laid it over her shopping cart and began paging through it.
She was ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! She’d lick her fingers and turn a page; lick her fingers and turn a page; lick her fingers and turn a page.
(You know where I’m going with this.)
I watched her intently as she went quickly through the entire magazine: lick her fingers and turn a page; lick her fingers and turn a page; lick her fingers and turn a page. On only three, THREE of the pages did she fail to lick her fingers.
She put the magazine back in the rack.
I didn’t want to cause a scene – sometimes I think I’m just too god-damned Christian – but I was surely tempted to shove the magazine under her nose and say (in a very loud voice):
“Buy this magazine, lady. Ya got dibs on it.”
Have you ever wondered where that expression came from?