‘Tis Better to be Pissed-Off than Pissed-On – Anonymous

Piss and Dog Biscuits Duplex 1422A

The first indication of trouble was the discovery late last winter, after snow-melt, of a mysterious cluster of white-ish, crumbly, desiccated doggie biscuits left in a corner of our front yard.

The second indication was a line of burned grass corresponding with the drip line of the next-door neighbor’s second-story porch, which overhangs our little patch of green.

The third indication was my observation on several occasions of the upstairs neighbor lady, who doesn’t speak any English, vigorously “swabbing the deck” as they say in the navy – mopping the rubber roofing that comprises the ‘deck’ of said porch and sloshing and splashing all manner of soapy chemical slop over the edge onto what we like to think of as our yard.

I’d seen adults and children actively using the porch for a barbecue or playpen but it was not until this morning when I noticed a stream of liquid running off the porch. Looking up, there was no one up there except for a little white dog. Aha! – mystery solved!

Applying my Holmesian deductive reasoning I came to certain conclusions:

Apparently the dog routinely uses the porch for a toilet, and in winter at least, the woman would just let the droppings freeze and casually sweep the then frozen turds off into our yard.

In pondering all this I also came to the conclusion that it is only a matter of time before somebody gets pissed-off for being pissed-on. Given past indications (and knowing my luck) it will probably be me.

As if life in Milwaukee isn’t miserable enough I need to be pissed-on by an otherwise useless and, as Popeye would put it, “sissy dorg”?

Acronyms are immensely popular these days, so much so there is even a website dedicated to their orderly decipherment: Acronym Finder

This situation with the neighbor’s dog reminded me of a pertinent question formed in my mind sometime ago: When is PETA going to get on the NFL about the “pooch kick”?

Or am I justified here?

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About The Twentieth Man

Age 67
This entry was posted in Dirty Words, Humor, Observations, Personal History, Short Stories, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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