The Cleanest Ears

“You have the cleanest ears I’ve ever seen.”

That’s what she told me; that’s what she said. She, of course, was a young she-male VA doctor. Her comment struck me as a bit odd. Upon further rumination however, it seems to make perfect sense.

Earwax is a component of your immune system, like boogers. (mucus is our friend) It guards the entry into the ear canal. That is its purpose.

Earwax (also spelled ear wax), medically referred to as cerumen, is produced by glands in the outer ear canal. Its purpose is to trap dust and other small particles and prevent them from reaching and potentially damaging the eardrum. Earwax also may prevent the growth of bacteria and fungi in the ear canal.

I never really think about earwax unless it itches excessively. Of course the presence of ear hair contributes to the occasional bout of itchiness that must be addressed.

I confess to having used a Philips NORELCO nosetrimmer on my ear hair; having used and abused hydrogen peroxide to the point of irritation and weeping; and regularly and flagrantly ignoring the WARNING label found on Q-tips brand cotton swabs.

That being said however, over time I have noticed a strong correlation between earwax production and stress – and lack of proper sleep. On those rare occasions when I enjoy fully restorative REM Sleep (Rapid Eye Movement), not only do I experience a copious production of earwax, but my renal function operates at full bore as well.

As a Việtnam War veteran wrongfully assessed as NOT having PTSD but having a Sleep Disorder, coupled with the fact she was a VA doctor; has led me to the conclusion that the presence or absence of earwax (and proper kidney function) is indicative of your stress levels or want of restorative sleep.

Under current circumstances I am producing little to nothing in the way of earwax.

“You have the cleanest ears I’ve ever seen.”

That’s what she told me; that’s what she said.

I don’t know if her comment was complimentary or merely observational; just odd.

About The Twentieth Man

Age 69
This entry was posted in Expository Writing, Humor, Personal History, Poetry, PTSD, Veterans. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.